Weekend Wanderer

Check-box “Remember Me”

Do you ever experience that sensation of sadness when you have to check the box next to “Remember Me” when signing into something on the internet?

Maybe it’s just me, and maybe it’s because this blog is still important to me that I got upset over a tiny check box, but I’m hoping someone out there can relate. It seemed to symbolize the way things have been neglected in my life, not the least of which is this blog that doesn’t remember me anymore.

I think we all live with, or live through, moments of depression that lie in our subconscious, waiting for the chance to un-check that box and take us out of the “land of the living.” It slowly drained my energy and motivation, leaving me dull and flat, and unable to even face it through the medium of social media. Things like Facebook, Twitter, and blogs are geared toward boosting the false-positive facade (is that redundant?) of perfection, and make it hard to be transparent.

After all, who wants to read a post about depression when we are all trying so hard to avoid it? This particular post has taken me weeks to write, because I want to be honest and don’t know how. I don’t flatter myself that anyone may have missed me (since I can’t claim to give expert advice or be very entertaining), but I do want to reach out to those who may be going through a hard time transitioning into a thankless job.

God’s been doing a lot to re-awaken my lifeless heart in the last few weeks, but it has been a long slow process with lots of work involved. Have you ever tried to keep a plant alive that hasn’t been watered in a while? It doesn’t come right back all in one day. In fact, it takes quite a lot of work to repair the damage, and that is where I find myself – with a withered, neglected heart.

This is only the first part, reader. I don’t have any Tips or Take-Aways for apathy, because I’m still struggling through it. I’ve often heard it said that “A burden shared is a burden halved,” meaning that if I can at least share what’s on my heart, it will be lighter.

Thank you for reading, for supporting me, for just being there.

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