Weekend Wanderer

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Golden Thread Goodbyes

“Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

Is it true? Love tends to intensify things, especially pain.

This introspection all started because of a move, and a movie. The move was the first time I uprooted from my beloved family and small town, and it was more difficult than I imagined.

I’ve built a life there, with those people who know me best, so when it came time to leave it all behind I was devastated.

The movie was unexpected. I chose it out of idleness, hoping to avoid the hurt of losing so many relationships, only to watch the loss of life in an achingly sad way, and wonder what I’d do if I lost a loved one, or if I was the loved one lost.

Grief clarifies things, and puts the bigger picture back in perspective. 

That’s why I’ve been quiet about the Australia trip for a few days – it’s hard to write about Sunny Sydney when you are enjoying the bittersweet joy of realizing how much love you have in life, and how much more it hurts when it’s time to go.
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Accidental Aquarium Date.

Are you going to eat that?

As I forced a smile and passed the crab leg, I cursed this decision for the thousandth time.

Let’s rewind shall we?

It was a lovely, mostly jet-lag free first day. Misty and subdued perhaps, but a good day nonetheless. I’d seen the museums and walked my feet off, which is always a tradition for me, since I’m usually lost.

What better way to finish off this cold day than in the aquarium? For those who don’t know, I love aquariums, and fish (fun sidenote: my name means “A Ships Harbor”). The blue light, the slow magic of floating, the sheer grace of swimming things? It slows my overactive mind.

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Sealife was in the same complex as a wax museum and a zoo…

I was ready for that sort of peace, but fate had other plans for me.
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Mist, Museums, & Men, Sydney Style.

All exceeded my expectations.

Oh stop rolling your eyes, it’s harmless admiration! Believe me, it took a long time to discover these things this morning.

There was an endless, sticky line through customs (I got my passport stamped!) at 7 AM Sydney time, then another few hours of trains and moving into my Airbnb house. Before I knew it, I was in the city.

For those who don’t know, I love cities. I love feeling the bustle and observing the people (though it didn’t seem like it yesterday), and generally being swept into the life of a place.

It was misty, so I spent most of the day in museums. It cleared a little later, and I spent the day wandering, which I love!

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Brave.

“You’re so brave!”

I heard this response so often as I prepared to leave on my big trip that it was practically drilled into me. Funny thing was, I didn’t feel brave.

My Brazil missions trip was out (I have a new job starting shortly!). My Australian vacation was in, and I didn’t have any time to plan.

I knew I had this rare time off between jobs, and I had to take advantage of it, and one thing I’ve always wanted to do is snorkel. What better place than the Great Barrier Reef?

Honestly, I wasn’t excited like everyone thinks. I was nervous, stressed, and just trying to finish up my job so I could move on with my life. There was no time to get excited, to dream, or most importantly, to plan.

The problem with planning a trip when you are also planning a move is that you have no time, no space to think. Packing a suitcase and packing up your life is chaotic to say the least, and unfortunately this trip became another task on my to-do list.

Before I knew it, I was on a plane, off to adventure without my adventurous spirit. What could go wrong?

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Dreaming with Your Eyes Open

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.

~T. E. Lawrence

I was in the car when I first heard this. It stilled me.

It was like a pale winter sunset – captivating in a way that freezes you in time, where the clouds turn watercolor over the barren landscape. I was simply…still.

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What have I been dreaming about in my waking hours? Not much, I’m afraid. My eyes were opened.
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Secluded Saturday…and Sunday

4PM, Sunday.

Silence reigns, and it is golden. It’s not completely silent, but ambient noises like Clair De Lune on the radio hardly count as an intrusion.

My window is thrown open wide to catch the fragrance of fresh cut grass in the rain. It’s as if each breeze is transporting me to place of happy nostalgia that makes my chest ache.

The rain is getting stronger, making my coffee warmer and my dreams closer.

This rain brings back strong and happy memories of Ireland, my soul’s home. I long to stay in the peace of this moment forever. In the cleansing rain and expansive quiet where I finally have time to think, to capture that deep peace that eludes me throughout a busy week.

How often I long for more days like today, like yesterday, when the knot of stress squeezing my heart was broken in the soft, undemanding quiet.

My phone was completely gone, and the world continued to spin. 

I was gloriously unconnected, and at peace. It’s days like this that remind me of the truths of life. God hasn’t forgotten me, I’ve just not taken time to stop my busy life for a listen. When I did, I experienced peace like I haven’t felt for weeks.

My heart, now reminded of the truth, unfurled, loosed of its bonds of care. I felt all at once melted and rested, overwhelmed with the goodness of God. You see, He isn’t in the loud moments that take up most of our attention.

He is in the quiet moments that are hard to find, the moments that minister to a weary soul. 

Reader, I know I’ve been inconsistent these last few months with posting, and I can’t promise anything different for the future. Today is different, and I needed to share with you.

It’s not at all travel related, but in a sense, my soul has travelled to the heights of God’s love for me in a world that is too busy to care.

And that, my friends, has made all the difference.

Until next time,

~K

Retirement Living, in Phoenix

May is over.

So is June.

Do you know what that means?

I’m supposed to have gone somewhere glamorous from my “Monday’s Mumbles” post by now!

London was the plan, but as so often happens, plans changed. I stayed in the states, but still had a blissfully relaxing adventure. 🙂

In the mean time (drumroll please), I moved up in my company to a new position! As you can tell, it consumes much of my time as I learn both in and out of the office. Hence the silence over here on the blog. 

This is my last post about Phoenix, and then you will find out where I ended up over Memorial Day weekend!

Meanwhile in Phoenix:

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Relaxation Station


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